The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
William Shakespeare
King Henry VI Part 2.
Lawyer, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
Ambrose Bierce
The Devil's Dictionary.
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
Will Rogers
A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men
with guns.
Mario Puzo
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a
lawyer's hands.
Spanish Proverb
Woe unto you also, ye lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens
grievous to be borne.
Jesus
The Bible, Luke 11. 46.
I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature.
You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience
is what makes him a lawyer.
Will Rogers
Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise
whenever you can. As a peacemaker the lawyer has superior opportunity
of being a good man. There will still be business enough.
Abraham Lincoln
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out
of as a sausage.
Ambrose Bierce
The Devil's Dictionary.
The good lawyer is not the man who has an eye to every side
and angle of contingency, and qualifies all his qualifications,
but who throws himself on your part so heartily, that he can
get you out of a scrape.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The leading rule for the lawyer, as for the man of every other
calling, is diligence. Leave nothing for to-morrow which can
be done to-day.
Abraham Lincoln
[A] lawyer without books would be like a workman without tools.
Thomas Jefferson
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
Charles Lamb
The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law.
Jeremy Bentham
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer
thinks he can get me five.
Stephen Wright
My decision to become a lawyer was irrevocably sealed when I
realized my father hated the legal profession.
John Grisham
If a person is not talented enough to be a novelist, not smart
enough to be a lawyer, and his hands are too shaky to perform
operations, he becomes a journalist.
Norman Mailer
A lawyer without history or literature is a mechanic, a mere
working mason; if he possesses some knowledge of these, he may
venture to call himself an architect.
Sir Walter Scott
He who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.
Proverb
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the
better lawyer.
Robert Frost
Lawyer: One who protects us from robbers by taking away the
temptation.
Henry Lewis Mencken
The lawyer's truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent
expediency.
Henry David Thoreau
Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly
world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the
world can't get you off.
Bill Veeck
It is not what a lawyer tells me I may do; but what humanity,
reason, and justice tell me I ought to do.
Edmund Burke
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you
can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.
Will Rogers
A lawyer's relationship to justice and wisdom is on a par with
a piano tuner's relationship to a concert. He neither composes
the music, nor interprets it-he merely keeps the machinery running.
Lucille Kellen
I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters.
John Keats
Don't misinform your Doctor nor your Lawyer.
Benjamin Franklin
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even
tell the truth.
Patrick Murray
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind; the lawyer all
the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity.
Arthur Schopenhauer
Most people aren't appreciated enough, and the bravest things
we do in our lives are usually known only to ourselves. No one
throws ticker tape on the man who chose to be faithful to his
wife, on the lawyer who didn't take the drug money.
Peggy Noonan
Law students are trained in the case method, and to the lawyer
everything in life looks like a case.
Edward Packard, Jr.
We all know here that the law is the most powerful of schools
for the imagination. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely
as a lawyer interprets the truth.
Jean Giraudoux
War is the statesman's game, the priest's delight,
The lawyer's jest, the hired assassin's trade.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
Queen Mab.
The average lawyer is essentially a mechanic who works with
a pen instead of a ball peen hammer.
Robert Schmitt
Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style
a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.
Hunter S. Thompson
Whenever a bitter foe attack thee Sheathe thy sword, they wrath
restrain; Or else will magistrates and lawyers Divide thy wealth,
thy purse retain.
Archevolti
Most of the clients that I represent in a criminal case I detest.
Joseph Ball
America is the paradise of lawyers.
David J. Brewer
A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5, and ends
giving $5 worth for $500.
Benjamin H. Brewster
A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from
your enemies and keeps it himself.
Henry Peter Brougham
It is an honorable calling that you have chosen. Some of you
will soon be defending poor, helpless insurance companies who
are constantly being sued by greedy, vicious widows and orphans
trying to collect on their policies. Others will work tirelessly
to protect frightened, beleaguered oil companies from being
attacked by depraved consumer groups. [commencement address,
Tulane University School of Law]
Art Buchwald
And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything
on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything
on Satan'.
George Burns
"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws
are too weak for anything tougher than suet; yet you finished
the goose, with the bones and the beak. Pray, how did you do
it?" "In my youth," said his father, "I
took to the law, and argued each case with my wife and the muscular
strength which it gave to my jaw has lasted the rest of my life."
Lewis Carroll
Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that
lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you
too.
Anton Pavlovich Chekhov
You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot
die without them.
Joseph H. Choate
The trouble with law is lawyers.
Clarence Darrow
True, we build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct
no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for
our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we
do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties;
we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's
burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life
of men in a peaceful state.
John W. Davis
A man who never graduated from school might steal from a freight
car. But a man who attends college and graduates as a lawyer
might steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt
Attempting to persuade his son to become
a lawyer.
In tribal times, there were the medicine men. In the Middle
Ages, there were the priests. Today, there are the lawyers.
For every age, a group of bright boys, learned in their trades
and jealous of their learning, who blend technical competence
with plain and fancy hocus-pocus to make themselves masters
of their fellow men. For every age, a pseudo-intellectual
autocracy, guarding the tricks of the trade from the uninitiated,
and running, after its own pattern, the civilization of its
day.
Fred Rodell
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers.
Charles Dickens
"I don't like lawyers, nannie." "No one likes
lawyers, little boy."
J. P. Donleavy
The world has its fling at lawyers sometimes, but its very
denial is an admission. It feels, what I believe to be the
truth, that of all secular professions this has the highest
standards.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Necessity knows no law; I know some attorneys of the same.
Benjamin Franklin
A lawyer's time and advice are his stock in trade.
Abraham Lincoln
I never saw a lawyer yet who would admit he was making money.
Mary Roberts Rinehart
While law is supposed to be a device to serve society, a civilized
way of helping the wheels go round without too much friction,
it is pretty hard to find a group less concerned with serving
society and more concerned with serving themselves than the
lawyers.
Fred Rodell
The bar does not claim to be the communion of saints. It only
claims to be a noble organization of fallible men, in a fallible
society. It concedes that all lawyers sometimes blunder in
a professional service; that many sometimes sin against professional
duty; that some are incompetent and some are vicious. But
it asserts its own dignity and integrity, by a greater contempt
than the world has for its dunces, by a severer reprobation
of its knaves.
Edmund G. Ryan
You're an attorney. It's your duty to lie, conceal and distort
everything, and slander everybody.
Jean Giraudoux
There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the
study of the law. No artist ever interpreted nature as freely
as a lawyer interprets the truth.
Jean Giradoux
Only lawyers and painters can turn white to black.
Japanese Proverb
God wanted to chastise mankind, so he sent lawyers.
Russian Proverb
Fools and obstinate men make rich lawyers.
Spanish Proverb
Were we to act but in cases where no contrary opinion of a
lawyer can be had, we should never act.
Thomas Jefferson
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.
Charles Lamb
It is unfair to believe everything we hear about lawyers.
Some of it might not be true.
Gerald F. Lieberman
|
Our side-splitting,
outrageously funny book on sale at -
