I’ve been to Roswell before and I know of the alien landing,
and I am pleased to announce that I have received the alien
endorsement.
John McCain
At rally on eve of 2008 US presidential
election in Roswell, New Mexico. |
We could have played it at a prison camp, but it would have
violated the Geneva Convention.
John McCain
Poking fun at Barack Obama's 30-minute
infomercial during a US presidential campaign rally in Ohio,
October 2008. |
A major announcement. Events are moving fast in my campaign,
and yes, it's true that this morning I've dismissed my entire
team of senior advisers. All of their positions will now be
held by a man named 'Joe the Plumber'.
John McCain
At Al Smith Dinner 2008. |
This campaign needed the common touch of a working man. After
all, it began so long ago with the heralded arrival of a man
known to Oprah Winfrey as "The One." Being a friend
and colleague of Barack, I just called him "That One".
John McCain
At Al Smith Dinner 2008. |
Even in this room full of proud Manhattan Democrats. I can't
shake that feeling that some people here are pulling for me
... I'm delighted to see you here tonight, Hillary.
John McCain
At Al Smith Dinner 2008. |
Where's Bill, by the way? Can't he take one night off from
his tireless quest to make the man who defeated his wife the
next president? When a reporter asked him if Senator Obama was
qualified to be president, Bill Clinton pointed out, sure, he's
over 35 years of age and a U.S. citizen. He was pandering to
the strict constructionist crowd.
John McCain
On Bill Clinton, at Al Smith Dinner 2008. |
Now's not the time to raise anybody's taxes except yours,
and I guarantee when I'm president, I'll do it. My first executive
order!
John McCain
To TV's David Letterman on 'The Late Show',
October 2008. |
My Social Security number is 8.
John McCain
Joking about his age with Jay Leno on 'The
Tonight Show' on August 25, 2008, just four days before his
72nd birthday. |
You know, by a strange coincidence I was not elected Miss
Congeniality in the United States Senate this year.
John McCain
Asked by Rev. Rick Warren about going against
his Republican party, at Saddleback Church Forum in August 2008. |
We spent $3 million to study the DNA of bears in Montana.
I don't know if that was a paternity issue or a criminal issue.
John McCain
On wasteful congressional spending, at
Saddleback Church Forum, August 2008. |
The good news is that we now have enough money to run the
entire campaign in Colorado. The bad news is, some of that money
is still in your wallets and purses.
John McCain
Speaking at a US presidential campaign
fundraiser in Aspen, Colorado, August 2008. |
You know that old Beach Boy song Bomb Iran. Bomb bomb bomb,
bomb bomb Iran.
John McCain
Singing to tune of Barbara Ann, at campaign
stop, answering question about what to do with Iran, April 18
2008. |
I was reminded of the words of Chairman Mao, who said it's
always darkest before it's totally black.
John McCain
Recalling the day when many thought his
US presidential campaign was dead, on The Late Show with David
Letterman, April 2008. |
You know the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One
is a scum-sucking bottom-dweller. The other is a fish.
John McCain
Joking on 'The Tonight Show' with Jay Leno,
January 2008. |
I'm older than dirt, I've got more scars than Frankenstein,
but I've learned a few things along the way.
John McCain
His go-to joke when asked about his age. |
Never get into a wrestling match with a pig. You both get
dirty, and the pig likes it.
John McCain
Asked by reporters in New Hampshire about
Mitt Romney, his rival for Republican nomination for US presidency,
in December 2007. |
In case you missed it, a few days ago Senator Clinton tried
to spend $1 million on the Woodstock Concert Museum. Now, ladies
and gentlemen, I wasn't there. I'm sure it was a cultural and
pharmaceutical event. I was tied up at the time.
John McCain
Referring to the years he spent as a P.O.W.
in Vietnam and attacking pork barrel spending during Fox News
Republican presidential debate, October 2007. |
Thanks for the question, you little jerk. ...You're drafted.
John McCain
After being asked by high school student
if he was too old to be president, September 2007. |
I spent several years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, in
the dark, fed with scraps. Do you think I want to do that all
over again as vice president of the United States?
John McCain
Why he would not be running mate for Democratic
nominee for president John Kerry, said on late-night TV show
in June 2004. |
Presidential ambition is a disease that can only be cured
by embalming fluid.
John McCain
Quoting his late friend Morris Udall the
former Arizona congressman and Democratic presidential candidate,
during 2004 US presidential campaign. |
Washington is a Hollywood for ugly people. Hollywood is a
Washington for the simpleminded.
John McCain
At Washington Press Club Foundation congressional
dinner in 2003. |
They [the French] remind me a little bit of an aging actress
of the 1940s who is still trying to dine out on her looks but
doesn't have the face for it.
John McCain
On France's stance on Iraq, February 2003. |
Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly? Because Janet
Reno is her father.
John McCain
Reportedly said at a Republican Senate
fundraiser in 1998. |
Like every other 13-year-old in America, she's in love with
Leonardo DiCaprio, who I think is an androgynous wimp. You know
what he does throughout the whole movie Titanic? He smokes.
John McCain
On his daughter, quoted in 'The Washington
Post' June 1998. |
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