When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.
Mae West

When the President does it, that means it's not illegal.
Richard Nixon

When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Mae West

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
Charles Caleb Colton

When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
Winston Churchill

When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.
Helen Rowland

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
Helen Rowland

Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.
Oscar Wilde

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen

Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing.
Vince Lombardi

Woe unto you also, lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne.
Jesus

Women are as old as they feel - and men are old when they lose their feelings.
Mae West

Women have a much better time than men in this world. There are far more things forbidden to them.
Oscar Wilde

Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.
Oscar Wilde

Women should be obscene and not heard.
Groucho Marx

Men don't get cellulite. God just might be a man.
Rita Rudner

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Oscar Wilde

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Woody Allen

You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
Will Rogers

You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!
David Brent

You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
David Brent

You just pick up a chord, go twang, and you're got music.
Sid Vicious

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
Homer Simpson

You're everywhere. You're omnivorous.
Homer Simpson
To God.

You're never too old to become younger.
Mae West

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Herbert Henry Asquith